Where to Turn When You Feel Like There’s Nowhere to Turn

Where to Turn When You Feel Like There’s Nowhere to Turn

OK – so I’m going to get real with you now. Sometimes life just plain sucks. Your friends are jerks, your parents are on your case, your siblings are brats – you feel ALONE. It happens. And when it happens, it can be the worst feeling in the whole world. You feel like you're completely alone, like no one else could possibly understand. But here’s something I want YOU to understand: I get it, because I’ve been there. In fact, we’ve all been there.

Sometimes it’s easy to talk ourselves into the foolish belief that some people in our lives don’t have any problems at all – their lives are perfect. Let me tell you something: the fact that we’re all human means we’re all growing all the time – and sometimes growth is just plain painful. It can be uncomfortable to think about growing up, going to college, getting a job, moving out of the house you grew up in. Even though they’re brats and you’d never admit it to their faces, you’re really going to miss your brothers and sisters when you're out on your own.

Then there’s dating. Maybe the girl or guy you like doesn’t know you’re alive. Or maybe you thought it was true love and then he/she dumped you. Maybe you’re gay and not sure how your friends – or parents – would respond if they knew. Maybe you want desperately to go to a dance, but you’re shy and don’t know how to dance and you’re afraid people will laugh at you. Maybe you’re pregnant and you don’t know what to do.

Whatever you’re going through – someone else has already gone through it. That might not seem like helpful information right now. In fact, you may think I’m trying to diminish your problems. Exactly the opposite, my friend! I’m just trying to say that you’re not alone. You’re not weird. You’re not crazy. And you don’t have to go through it by yourself.

Where can you turn when it seems like there’s no one to talk with? Here are a few ideas … now don’t judge them without at least considering them.

• Your parent, grandparent, aunt, or uncle – even if they don’t live near you
• The parent or older sibling of a friend
• An older relative or neighbor
• A teacher – maybe one you don’t have for a class right now
• A guidance counselor
• A peer advisor or counselor
• A trustworthy student – not necessarily a friend
• A coach
• A scout leader
• An adult advisor for an extracurricular activity
• Your priest, rabbi, or minister
• Your youth minister
• Another person from your church – or a church you don’t go to

If you really don't feel comfortable talking with any of these people, here are some hotline numbers that might help.

• Youth America Hotline: 1-877-968-8454 (peer-to-peer hotline that links callers to community-based peer counseling hotlines across the country)
• National Runaway Safeline: 1-800-RUNAWAY (support for runaways and those considering running away)
• The Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386 (support for suicidal LGBT teens)
• New Avenues for Youth: 1-800-995-7936 (support for homeless and at-risk teens)
• American Pregnancy Helpline: 1-866-942-6466 (support and resources for unplanned pregnancies)
• National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 (support for rape, incest, date rape)

And if none of those options works, email me at Albert@AlbertMensahStudentSpeaker.com. The main thing I want you to take away from this message is that whatever you’re going through – no matter how bad, weird, ugly, disappointing, depressing, or other – you don’t have to do it by yourself. Please reach out for help – it’s there for you if you will only look for it.

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ALBERT MENSAH is a champion of opportunity and achieving one’s dreams. Rising from humble beginnings in Ghana, Africa, Albert has become one of the world’s leading student motivational speakers, regularly presenting to groups such as FCCLA, FFA, FBLA, DECA, 4-H, and numerous school assemblies and student council groups. Visit his website to book him to speak at your student assembly, career day, or state or national teachers’ conference.

Need Advice? Maybe Your Peers Can Help

Need Advice? Maybe Your Peers Can Help

In spite of our best wishes and efforts, life isn’t always bunnies and roses. Sometimes things happen that get us down. So who would you rather turn to for advice, help, and a shoulder to cry on? Someone who has no real idea about how you’re feeling or whom you fear might judge you or punish you? Or someone who knows exactly what you’re going through?

A peer advisor is someone like you who understands your perspective about school, work, family challenges, money issues, or many of the hundreds of other things that might happen in your life to stress you out. Some schools and work places have peer advisor, peer support, or peer counseling programs in place for just such a reason: so their students and/or employees have a place to turn just to vent and be heard.

Well-run peer support programs with dependable staff advisors can be extremely beneficial to students and adults alike. Their goal is to promote health, well-being, and safety through peer education and, when necessary, referrals to reliable experts. Peer support programs in middle schools and high schools generally train a cross-section of students to act as helpers and listeners for their fellow students.

Student peer advisors can take many roles, from welcoming new students, to acting as conflict mediators, 

tutors, and advocates for students with disabilities and/or special needs, to making classroom presentations on teen issues like bullying, family challenges, drinking and drug use. The benefits of peer support programs include a safer, more positive student environment; healthier students and staff, both mentally and physically, with lower overall stress levels; and a smarter, more efficient use of school and community resources.

Peer support programs don’t benefit only those who turn to them for assistance – they are also great learning experiences for those acting as the peer advisors or counselors. By becoming peer advisors, students already showing leadership potential can develop communication, problem-solving, and decision-making skills.

The best programs put peer support volunteers through a careful selection and training process in order to increase their likelihood of success. Their goal is to alleviate and prevent problems before they develop into traumas or tragedies. Peer advisors are taught to understand when a fellow student just needs to blow off some steam and when they may be in real trouble, so that they can involve trained professionals if and when the need arises. Classroom instruction, role playing, and specific skills training are some of the ways students prepare to become peer advisors.

The best student peer advisory programs incorporate:

• Structured programs with stringent guidelines
• Completion of action plans
• Thorough training, including detailed record keeping
• Intervention instruction
• Procedural forms and evaluations
• Capable adult advisors who know when to step in 
• Student outreach to destigmatize the program and invite those who need it to use it

The best candidates for peer advisors are students who are dedicated, empathetic, and committed to helping others. Problem-solving skills and the ability to maintain their peers’ confidentiality – in other words, no blabber mouths! – are also essential. Peer advisory programs work because students are often more willing to share the details of their lives with a fellow student before going to a teacher or other adult, regardless of how sympathetic or supportive they may be. Our human nature is to be drawn to those who are like us – and other students are like us.

For more information about starting a peer support/advisor/counseling program in your school, here are a few resources:

• Youth Helping Youth: A Handbook for Training Peer Facilitators by Robert D. Myrick and Tom Erney
• A Guide to Peer Counseling by Jewel Rumley Cox 
• Peer Assisted Learning by Keith Topping

______________________
ALBERT MENSAH is a champion of opportunity and achieving one’s dreams. Rising from humble beginnings in Ghana, Africa, Albert has become one of the world’s leading student motivational speakers, regularly presenting to groups such as FCCLA, FFA, FBLA, DECA, 4-H, and numerous school assemblies and student council groups. Visit his website to book him to speak at your student assembly, career day, or state or national teachers’ conference.