What to Do When the Adults in Your Life Disappoint You

What to Do When the Adults in Your Life Disappoint You

As children, we were likely taught to “respect our elders.”

In many cultures, respect for elders is a way of life. For example, the Chinese traditionally place the family and society over the individual. The tradition of “filial piety” is the value of total respect for the family, especially the elders. And in Native American cultures, the elders are respected for their wisdom, experience, and knowledge. Vietnamese elders are highly respected, considered the carriers of tradition, knowledge, and wisdom. In black and African cultures, to survive to old age is often considered an accomplishment reflecting personal strength, resourcefulness, and faith.

For those of us less imbued with such traditions, there’s even a WikiHow page that contains advice for ways to respect your elders, including things like:

• Never refer to them by their first name, unless asked to.
• Listen to their advice.
• Show an interest in their life.

But what happens when the adults in our lives aren’t people who deserve our respect? As much as we may hate the thought, it happens.

“I have a hard time respecting my parents (meaning I don’t). But I will always respect my grandparents.”
— Anonymous quote from Tumblr

Sometimes the adults in our lives fall short and are not good role models. If that’s the case for you, what are your options?

• Use your own discretion to know right from wrong. Somewhere along the line, you’ve learned this – even if it’s just an instinct and nothing you can overtly describe.
• Look for good role models. If the adults in your life are not people you can respect, as in the quote above, look for those who are. We touched on this topic in a previous post.
• Have the courage of your convictions – stand up and speak out when it’s safe to do so. Adults are just people – and sometimes they fall short. Whether it’s an oversight or deliberate, sometimes a challenge from someone they care about can be the wakeup call they need to make better choices. But you want to be sure you won’t put yourself at personal risk by doing so.
• Report them if it’s right for you. If the adults in your life are committing criminal behavior, it may be tough, but it’s probably the right thing to do to report them. Of course, every situation is different. Best thing is to turn to those adults you can rely on for help, support, and advice.
• Forgive them. Your parents (or other adults in your life) are doing the best they can, even if they're not doing a very good job. As difficult as it may be, you can forgive and still walk away.
• One day, you may have children of your own. Remember these lessons when you inevitably find yourself disappointing them because you're human.

RESOURCE: http://wps.prenhall.com/wps/media/objects/3918/4012970/NursingTools/ch23_CultViewElders_407.pdf

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ALBERT MENSAH is a champion of opportunity and achieving one’s dreams. Rising from humble beginnings in Ghana, Africa, Albert has become one of the world’s leading student motivational speakers, regularly presenting to groups such as FCCLA, FFA, FBLA, DECA, 4-H, and numerous school assemblies and student council groups. Visit his website to book him to speak at your student assembly, career day, or state or national teachers’ conference.