Finding the Courage to Stand Up to Peer Pressure

Peer pressure is influence exerted by one’s equals or an individual to encourage others in the group to change their attitudes, values, or behaviors in order to conform to group norms.

While peer pressure is most commonly associated with youth, in part because most teens spend large amounts of time at school and in social groups, it also affects members of political parties, trade unions, and adult social circles. Going along with the crowd might also be referred to as a mob mentality.

Most people have been affected by peer pressure at one time or another, but teens seem to deal with it most often. As one anonymous student wrote, “Peer-pressure can kill young people because they listen to their friends more than their parents.” Teen peer pressure is so dangerous because the desire to fit in can cause conflict between doing what you know is right and doing what it takes to fit in with the crowd.

Peer Pressure Can Take Many Forms 

• Pressure to be cool and dress like everyone else and/or have the latest gadget (e.g., iPhone, Wii U, or tablet), even if it means spending money you (or your parents) don’t have.
• Pressure to mimic the attitudes of your friends. They think good grades are for geeks and you want to be popular with them so you let your grades slide – even though school really does matter to you. Or if one suggests cutting class, you feel pressured to cut, too.
• Social pressure to join a club, hang out in a certain spot, or participate in a sport, even when you have no real interest in it.
• Pressure to date the right person – and/or have sex before you’re ready because you think everyone else is doing it, too.
• Pressure to drink, use drugs, huff, or get high. You may feel pressured to go along in order to fit in, or because someone wants you to lose control so they can talk you into something you wouldn’t do while sober.
• Pressure to exclude someone from your social group or treat them badly because they’re different, unpopular, a poor student, or new at your school.

Some teens give in to peer pressure because they want to be liked or fit in, or are afraid that other teens will make fun of them. Some follow the crowd because they are curious about trying something new. Usually, though, the teens who cave to peer pressure are more concerned about what others think of them than they are about what they think of themselves.

Most teens survive their teen years relatively unscarred. But peer pressure can certainly take a toll on those who haven’t yet figured out how to stand in their power and say no to following the crowd. Peer pressure can have negative mental effects, resulting in even lower self-esteem. No matter how hard you try to fit in, by changing yourself to meet someone else’s ideal, you’ll never be truly comfortable because you’re not being yourself. Peer pressure can also have negative physical effects. Drugs, alcohol, and sex can cause illness, but they can even mean risking your life. Is “fitting in” really worth putting your life on the line?

Saying No to Peer Pressure

It can be difficult to be the only person in your peer group who says no to peer pressure, but you can do it. Pay attention to your own feelings and beliefs about what is right and wrong and rely on your intuition for the strength to stand firm, walk away, or resist going along with the crowd when, deep inside, you know better.

You might have heard your parents tell you to choose your friends wisely. Guess what – your parents are so smart! Having at least one friend who is also willing to say no can make a huge difference, since it gives you an ally and makes saying no much easier. Avoid students who make you feel uncomfortable or lift themselves up by tearing you down. Surround yourself with teens who share the same interests and accept you for who you are. Real friends never demand that you be anyone other than your authentic self.

And even if you get caught up in a group of “popular kids,” remember that you always have the option and right to stand up and say no. You have the option and right to stick up for yourself, do the right thing, and do so without explaining yourself. It may be hard to believe, but people may have MORE respect for you if you say no than if you just go along because “everyone else is doing it.”

Remember that every choice you make has consequences, which may be trivial (e.g., you cut class and fail a test) or life-changing (e.g., you get in a car with a friend who’s been drinking and wind up paralyzed). Before you let your friends pressure you into something you know isn’t right for you, think about those choices and consequences. And if you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation and can’t find the words to say no, you can always use your parents as an excuse. “I can't go out tonight because my aunt is in town,” or “My parents told me they’ll restrict my driving privileges if I'm not home by 10:30.”

The absolutely best way to fight peer pressure is by building your own self-confidence so that you have the courage to be yourself. When you act confidently and believe in yourself, you don't have to worry about impressing other people or doing what they say just to feel accepted. When you have self-respect, you know your own limits, values, and what’s right and wrong – and you’re willing to do the right thing, no matter what others think.

Powerful, Positive Peer Pressure

We’ve talked about the down sides, but peer pressure isn’t always a bad thing. For instance, you and your friends can pressure bullies into having more respect for the teens they usually pick on. Maybe a friend who’s a better student teaches you some tricks for developing good study skills. You might admire another teen who’s always in a good mood and try to model their attitude. Maybe your church group encourages volunteering with a local charity, which makes you feel like you can really make a difference.

What Parents Can Do

•         Get to know your teen’s friends and have conversations with them.

•         Build your teen’s self-esteem and encourage them to be themselves.

•         Remember what it was like for you to be a teen – and empathize, even if your child’s problem now seems trivial.

•         Take an honest interest in who they spend time with, where they go, and how they spend their money.

•         Pay attention to your teen’s online behaviors.

•         Talk openly – and without judgment – about concerns you have.

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ALBERT MENSAH is a champion of opportunity and achieving one’s dreams. Rising from humble beginnings in Ghana, Africa, Albert has become one of the world’s leading student motivational speakers, regularly presenting to groups such as FCCLA, FFA, FBLA, DECA, 4-H, and numerous school assemblies and student council groups. Visit his website to book him to speak at your student assembly, career day, or state or national teachers’ conference.